LINCOLN. A local man today insisted to friends that popular music is in terminal decline, adding that most current popular music could be described as “just noise, really”. Craig Shearer, 47, from Horncastle, near Lincoln, made the somewhat predictable declaration over drinks with work colleagues in a local pub.

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“Back in our day we had proper songwriting and people played real instruments”, Mr Shearer explained. “Nowadays computers are writing songs”.

When it was put to him by a junior colleague that basically every generation since the beginning of time has claimed the same thing, Shearer was unrepentant. “Our music was great”, Shearer responded. “Our parents just didn’t understand it.”. Shearer also refuted the allegation that had basically become a bit like his parents, and wasn’t in touch with young people today. “I really am in touch with the kids”, he explained. “I watch X-Factor and everything.”