FLORIDA. The sporting world was rocked today by the news that a really rich dude has lost the sponsorship of some company you had vaguely heard of but weren’t quite sure what they did anyway. The sponsorship deal, which was worth more money than you can expect to earn in a lifetime, had been keeping a famous sportsman fed and clothed for many years, but now I dare say he will be out on the street begging for scraps.

The lost sponsorship is a crushing blow for the mega-rich superstar. Sources close to the family suggest that his destitution is now so great he might have to stop using his private plane to pop down to the shops to get a paper and a packet of fags. Today’s news also comes hots on the heels of yesterday’s announcment that another sponsor, who was a bit more famous than this one, would not be renewing their deal, explaining how that had nothing to do with the ton of bad press they had been getting, but instead was because they and their client had “grown apart”.